September 4th, 2013
|05:30 pm - cleaning|
That's right! I've been cleaning my butt off since I came home lol folding clothes, organizing, throwing out trash, and vaccuming. I forgot I still a loooot of old journals, notes from ex friends, and random notebooks still left. So naturally I've been cleaning that out as well. And there were a few pages that caught my eye but I quickly ripped those up and chunked them. Its not good to dwell on the past. Especially when it wasn't that great of one. I don't need to be sentimental or nostalgic over dumb shit like that. I had enough drama and emo bull crap from family and flase friends to do me for a few more years still. However, I don't really think it was the depressing entries that got to me. It was the dumb notebooks/notes where I was ''happy'' and joking with friends. That's partly what I wanted to talk to Kianna about. Like where did those two little girls go? Yeah we grew up. I get that. Its life but I don't know. What happend to all that talk about being friends no matter what? As I said its life I know things happen. For the good or worse. I guess it just gets under my skin when people always continue to play the victim instead of just trying to listen and be totally honest. So what if I'm prideful. Everyone is to an extent. I just don't understand why people don't even try for anything then they want to complain about it. -sigh- I suppose none of that even matters though since I'll never get an answer anyways. Hnn I think my biggest issue with everything that happend was why. Why did she throw me away? And that was before we hung out for those two days again a couple of years ago. And I know its not just me. She throws a lot of people away. I just can't understand why. She may deny it to herself or others all she wants but it won't change the fact she did it. Its really silly how you can hold onto rediculous memories and whatnot of old friends. I think its partly because they influenced you or your life. People who get close to you have such a huge impact on it. And when its a best friend or lover those are hard to get over. But even though I'm over it I still can't seem to help question 'why'. That damn dreaded word lol. Aah human curiousity can be such a sweet bitch. I think I'll just stick to what Joan Jett says, 'you don't lose when you lose fake friends'.
Aaah another stupid pointless journal. This is what cleaning and drinking starbucks does to me. I zone out then overthink things. Usually stuff I'll never get an answer to or just something so stupid/pointless lol My poor brain needs to rest -^-'
Also..Becca and I can hang out with our friends on Friday after I get off work later. Have another movie and game night lol I'm soooo pumped for it. I've also been writing down different fairy tale themes I'm going to remake. So far the Egyptian Sleeping Beauty and Medieval Beauty & the Beast seem like the easiest. I'm too excited xD
Current Mood: bouncy
September 2nd, 2013
|06:26 pm - time to move on|
Just as the title says. I seriously need a new job. The one I currently work at isn't that bad but it could be a looooot better. I suppose the grass is always more green on the other side but still...I just don't see myself doing this for much longer either. Like I just don't. I really want to learn how to do water colors (along with other medias) so I can recreate fairy tales for children. Not to mention anything else I want to create. I love art and right now that and history are the only things that appeal to me. My sister is going back to school to be an accountant or possible nurse. That's good for her and others who want to do that sort of thing. I know you can make good money doing that but eh its just not for me. If I'm not happy there is just no way I could force myself to do that for long. So I really think art and history are best oppitions at the moment. They have a few places around Huntsville that do art classes. So even if I'm not in school yet I can still go check those out and get even more experience so that's a plus.
As far as life has been going...its passing by rather quickly. Heh its kind of freaky sometimes. My youngest niece just got her tnsils taken out this last Friday. Becca, Jason, and I actually went to Orlando like we planned. We got to go to the Islands of Adventure park along with the Universal. It was awesome! We got our Harry Potter wands, chocolate frog, and pumpkin juice! I still love the Mummy ride lol. Now were planning a day or two trip to Tennessee sometime soon...probably the fall time. Go explore and visit the Parthenon and this Native American place. I can't wait! It sucks to be stuck in Al all the time. I don't know how people just sit on their ass at home all the time doing nothing. Like go get a life. You're not even living, just letting life pass you by. Its okay if you only do that every once in a while but if its an all the time thing...that's just unhealthy. I guess besides what I just mentioned there isn't much point to this journal. Just a random and overdue update lol
Current Mood: blah
January 30th, 2013
|05:04 pm - huur....|
Has is really been around four months since i've posted anything?
eehhh....time has just flew by.
Like where did all the holidays go this year? It still feels like Halloween should just be around the corner....
My Thanksgiving was alright i suppose. I went over to my aunts which is a bit unsual since we only go over on Christmas...but it was still pleasent nontheless.
Christmas...heheheh oooh where do I begin?..I believe the best way I could possibly sum it up is to just say how much my sister ruins everything. It all started when I first woke up that morning. After eating we opened gifts and I was beyond disappointed. Pretty much every gift one of my nieces opened (from me) she had already got from her parents or her other grandparents....This could have been easily avoided if my sister would have paid ATTENTION to what I say to her. I told and showed her their gifts WAAAAAY AHEAD of time. BUT...she obviously didn't care...not like anyone in my shit family ever does....so instead of getting an excited 5-year-old on Christmas I got a bored monotoned one. Then after the kids finished their gifts the adults opened theirs. Mom got a knook from my dad. I was simply telling her she will need some type of internet access if she wanted to download her "books". Well before I can even finish my sentence my sister butts her way into my conversation chewing me a new one about how our mother doesn't need that. She said, "As long as she has some kind of wifi she can use it blah blah blah". NO SHIT. Like thats what I was saying. But as usual how would she know that? All my sister does is interrupt me before I can even finish a sentence and assumes what im going to say and then puts words in my mouth. Then she turns around and chews me out for what she assumes i'm saying. Sometimes I'm tempted to ask if she is mentally retarded. Ehh I shouldn't say that. Those poor people actually have a ligit reason for being that way...but anyways...after she said that my brother-in-law even laughed and shook his head at me and told me that you couldn't say or tell her (my sister) anything. So I know I am not the only one who notices this. The second argument was over adoption. It wasn't so much the subject itself as it was my sister being a down right BITCH. Pretty much the conclusion of the arugment was "since I am not with anyone at the moment or have children, I don't know what love is". So I told her to shut it. My parents even went off on us. So I ignored her but of course that never lasts since she never stops picking. Eventually I got fed up and threw a paperback book at her...she still didn't let it drop and was starting another fight...and by then my temper was getting veeeery heated so i chunked an open can of mountain dew at her and stormed off. Mom said she couldn't help but laugh becuse as it turns out the mountain dew landed in her lap and my youngest niece asked her mom why she peed on herself.
However, even though it was starting off badly...it ended pretty okay. We went over to my aunt's house later on like usual. So that was my Christmas....
And all I did for the New Year was work (so exciting!!!) lol
As for my personal life right now...it's going...by...lol not sure how else I could sum it up. There are too many ups and downs in one day to keep count. Most of the cons and shitty days are because of my family (usually my sister or dad). But I'm trying to not let that/them get to me. It is never worth it. And it is always over repeatitive crap....sometimes I just can't help but to wonder how I ended up in my family. If this doesn't prove "life isn't fair" I'm not sure what would. -shrug- But its what I got stuck with so, like anyone else, I just have to make the best of it and be grateful for what I do have...and always work Harder!!! :3 lol
I hope i'll be over my art block soon as well...I'm going to attempt art tonight but we shall see how that goes XD
Current Mood: sleepy
September 12th, 2012
|03:24 pm - so excited!!!|
because...after working 10 straight days of hell...i will be so far in over time..i can finally buy my laptop >:D
aaaaaand get the sims 3 supernatural, internet, and possibly a tablet for art. oh hell fucking yes. no one is going to take this away from me. not this time. my family better not even have the audacity to ask because the answer will still be a NO. even if its an emergancy. i am not budging this time. i want to go to school for art and if they're not going to help me then so be it. it doesn't matter anyways. i'll be the one paying for the internet every month, plus paying for my phone, and giving them rent.
also...i will get to finally see steven again on the 16th or 17th before he leaves. ^^
Current Mood: accomplished
July 28th, 2012
|04:39 pm - Life|
I noticed i haven't updated in ages so i thought i finally would.
a lot has happend within these last few weeks/months.
as i've stated before i have a full time job at a hotel. its decent-good pay and i really need the money. although like any other job it has A LOT of pros and cons. some of the cons though seriously make me want to quit at times...but like i just mentioned...i REALLY NEEEEEEEEEEED the money. not to mention jobs are just ridiculous to find or get anymore. so i'm just going to have to grit my teeth and go through the bad times with a forced smile on my face. and honestly...the only issues i really have with it deals a lot with managers playing favorites. i know...it happens everywhere...but seriously? like this coworker can come in 2 hours late (no call) and my manager just smiles at her and says "hi sandra" with the sweetest voice. lets not forget she also gives her wake up calls to help her get up in the morning. is that a joke? she is a grown woman in her 50's and you're the manager....what the hell is wrong with this!? oh and sandra is also very lazy and loves to pick at people. i just ignore her most of the time but sometimes it is hard to do. its just constant bs that no one should have to put up with -.-'
speaking of jobs though becca just told me that kadie's is for sale now. HA!!! serves that evil two-faced bitch right. she tried to hold everyone's checks (which is against the law) and she treated her workers like slaves and just dogged them out.
as far as home life goes........O. M . G. . . . . .
i am currently living in our living room because my ceiling caved in my bedroom. and there is more than likely mold growing in there as well. our whole roof is pretty much rotting. pretty much..ahh no it just IS rotting -.- and our so called RICH landlord needs to get it fixed. but we all know how big of a joke that is. we would call and bug him everyday but we are still behind on rent at the moment and the last thing we need is to get kicked out.
i told my mom we should ask my uncle if we could move in my grandmother's old house that he owns...but it would be pointless to even try that because we already know what the answer will be. a big fat NO. and i don't see what the issue is. no one lives there and we would pay him rent. besides my grandmother said to keep it in the family and whoever needs to use it can. and also..before she died she told us we could live there. i get that my mom sold her portion of it to my uncle years ago because we desperately needed the money at the time...but come on...we we're the ones who took care of my grandmother after she had her strokes and heart attacks. and my uncle lived behind HER HOUSE and VERY RARELY came to see her or check up on her. i'm disguested we even share the same blood sometimes. how do you not go check up on your own mother!? people really just irk me i swear.
and i think one of the people who irked me the most was my now ex friend. we had a huge argument in a da note because shes too damn lazy to respond to anything else.
its just kills me how she goes around telling people that she was the one who ended our "friendship" and tries to call me childish. please that is sooo beyond a freaking joke its not funny. i was the one who told her in the da note it was over and the only reason she called me childish is because she thought i was trying to get back at her for sending her an old post/journal she made to her tumblr thing. like i can kind of get why she thought it was done in a childish way but thats not how i meant it at all. i only sent it to that tumblr because that was the only thing i hadn't blocked her on. Also i didn't/don't care what that post/journal was about i sent it because i wanted to see if she would prove my point. and guess what...she did. in our da note she kept trying to say how i was negative and uncomfortable to be around...how would she know...she NEVER SAW ME. so the only thing she could mean is my livejournals. and like i told her its LIVE JOURNAL. i can rant about whatever the hell i want. its my only place i can blow off steam. the only other person i have to talk to is becca and if im lucky justin, sean, or chase. and guess what...i don't always go into detail about my personal life on here either so she really can't even use that excuse because she doesn't even know the whole story/situation. besides who is she to judge. want to guess what she did right after i sent that post/journal i sent to her? she submitted a lj entery ranting about how childish i was. Yeah thats right. i read it. and all i can say is she is such a freaking two-faced HYPOCRITE to the MAX. thats exactly why i sent her that. she just proved everything i told her in that da note. trying to give me constructive criticism my ass. she NEVER once tried to help me. i was the one who always tried to help or contact her. so she had/has no right to judge me. and honestly how can she give people any advice on anything when its none of her business in the first place? she can dish stuff out to people all the time but can never take it back. put on your big girl panties and grow the fuck up. she is 20 years old. and she wants to call me childish? heh please i was willing to put aside my personal feelings and issues and apologize to her in person like an adult and she didnt want to. everything i told her off on she chews me out for but then goes and posts exactly the same things i say like it just "hit her on the head". what a hypocrite. honey go practice what you try to preach for once. and she also had the nerve to tell me to "stop being so proud". well i say SCREW YOU. i can be proud all i want. better to be proud than a whiny brat like her. my parents don't SPOIL me at all. i can honestly say im INDEPENDANT. and after all of the stuff i have gone through in my life (which a lot of it she doesn't even KNOW about) i have every right. and the only reason she could probably even say that is because for once she couldn't play the victim and get her way because she knew she was in the wrong and i called her out on it. instead of running away she should have faced me. i get that im not perfect and i have made a lot of mistakes (some i honestly regret) but so has she. here is the difference. i was willing to apologize for them..she wasn't. and shes never going to. all she can do is run away and point fingers and judge everyone else. oh well...anything that happens in her life good or bad..it will be on her. and i wish her the best of luck in some sense because if she keeps this attitude up she is seriously going to need it. you wont make it through life period by throwing people and things away. especially if you do it for no reason.
so back to the issue with my room..i just talked to my mother and she said they fixed it. lets keep our fingers crossed.
i still don't know if i want to do my room in a sea or forest theme now....hmmm i guess it just depends on the bedding i can find and afford -shrug-
i keep thinking of getting my own place with becca and justin. i know we all want to move sooooo freaking bad at the moment its not even funny. but we have to face facts....that is A LOT of money. -.-' a lot of money none of us have. besides i have too many bills that im worrying about as it is. i don't think i could handle paying even more right now. like i still have 3 wisdom teeth to pull, flouride treament, and braces. and i have no insurance. each tooth to be pulled itself can easily cost $600+.....for one TOOTH. then the floride treatment is easily around $300+ x____x . . . .and braces is in the thousands....i really hate genectics right now. at least i'm getting my vision done though. i still need to go order my glasses and place in another order of contacts...oh and do a sign up for their group. its where you pay like $100 to join but that pays for your eye appointments for the next 3 years. like you only have to pay $10 for your next appointments..then on top of that you get 20% off of your glasses/contacts. so really you are saving a lot of money and it will be good if i go ahead and pay for it while i can because i don't know whats going to happen in the next 3 years >.>'
as for good finds....i've found 2 book the other day at the library and i got them both for a total of $0.50 lol ahhh i love libraries xD and one of them is a retelling of the story of cupid and pysche :D and it actually stuck to the original myth!!!! i was soooooo happy ^-^
becca and i have also been talking about old little kid shows we used to watch. i told her about digimon....this girl has only seen clips here and there or parts of the movies....so we found it on youtube lol ooooh god...all the inside jokes between us with that show is just killing me. we stayed up for so long last night just laughing our asses off. we really couldn't stop. xD we also ate some of this orange cake from kroger...it was AMAZING!!!!!!
oh and we already finished the last 4th season of true blood lol can't wait til the 5th season comes out and vampire dairies too....and i still want to watch the 2nd and 3rd season of pretty little liars .___. im so behind on my shows.
as for another hilarious new show....amber told her about suburgatory. omg...its too funny. making fun of people who trap themselves in their own little bubbles...and its sad because PEOPLE DO THIS XD and i will always make fun of them for it lol oooh and i almost forgot supernatural is a pretty good show. although we can't really follow it 100% because we haven't watched any of it in order >.> lol oops. but we will...eventually....just like i'll eventually go on a rant about all the characters i can't stand in true blood & vampire dairies XD
ah lets see....for more family life.....karen is so-so. she even told becca she doesn't know what a day without pain feels like. and im getting worried for her (shes like my second mom) and my own mother. like i stated before we don't have insurance and she doesn't have any money to go to the doctor with...im not sure exactly whats wrong with her either but i know its not good. she gets to the point she can't even swallow her food. and she has chest pains. i try to tell her not to eat or drink certain things because i know we both have acid reflux to the EXTREME but she never listens to me. and most of the time i just get yelled at by her or my sister. or even my so called bastard of a father. they all say the same thing "who is the parent/adult and who is the child!?" like really? im just trying to tell you something that can help her and im getting yelled at? my family is so beyond fucked in the head sometimes. if you really care about someone you give them what they need not what they want. -.-' ugh these people need a reality check.
speaking of my mom and dad though...a while back he lost his phone. someone finally called us and told us they found it while walking. she said the only way she would give us the phone back is if we gave her a reward for it. while after arguing with the ignorant woman my mom finally came to an agreement with her. so right as we were leaving the house to go our crazy injin burial ground neighbor is in our driveway starting stuff. pretty much it boiled down to were staying in her house illegally (its not even her house either), we're holding her mail, and we have something to do with her missing daughter. this woman is crazy. and i mean this quite literally. her kids i guess don't have the money to put her up in a home or whatever and they obviously don't want her to stay with them..so they just let her loose to drive others insane...and most of the time shes pretty harmless buuuuut......right after she went off on my mom...heh my mother chewed her a new one and told her to leave. so this crazy woman gets in her car and tries to hit/run over my mom in our own driveway. >-< so naturally my mom told her to either leave or she was calling the cops. the woman finally left and we made our way to the other nutcase. mom gave her $10 and told her it was wrong of her to ask for a reward. we would have still gave one even if she hadn't have asked. but just the audacity to do that..its wrong. i swear i don't think people have morals anymore.
then not too long after that we got a stupid letter in the mail. it was just a stupid bs note someone that has too much time on their hands wrote. all it stated was how we we're cruel owners to our dogs. like we didn't take care of them in any way. and that we abuse them. how in the hell do they know that? like are you spying on me? really? because last time i checked we do take our animals to the vet, i buy them frontline all the time, we even give them baths, fresh water/food everyday, buy them treats and toys, etc. we do it ALL. people are just crazy and stupid. this is exactly why i want to move away from alabama. i hate people who just assume anything they want and they actually believe its the truth. ASSUMPTIONS ARE NOT TRUTHS. get it through your head people -.- i wonder if they would have sent that if they knew we have helped/rescued animals before. ehh then again they probably would still say that. because they actually believe their own assumptions.....omg...people really annoy me.
then not too long after that note we had to put one of our dogs down because his cancer got so bad within like a week. it went straight to his mouth and gums. that poor dog. he was a sweetie though and im just happy hes not suffering anymore. we got to burry him behind my grandmother's and aunt's house. its in an area close to the woods. its like a pet cemetery out there >.> my mom even told me stories about when my grandfather use to have to burry his animals/live stock out there.
and on another happy note...i FINALLY got my hair done again 8D its cut short and dyed and it feels AMAZING!!!!
the girl who did it was sweet and did a great job ^^ i know becca still wants to get her hair done >.> hmm get it styled!!!
lol i dunno...i think auburn red or another shade of brown highlights would be pretty too.....so many choices >.>
i have been super lazy about art lately. i already finished inking a pic of one of my ocs Layla. i even colored her skin and hair but haven't touched anything else on it. then i sketched a pic of jareth and sarah from the labyrinth xD i really like how its coming out so far. i need to do more art though. but it was kind of hard when i didn't have a room and i didnt have all of my supplies to do stuff with but hopefully that will change now xD
well there was a lot more i was going to say/update in this journal but seeing how its already long as it is and its getting late i'll just cut it short for now and update again later. heh who knows how long that will be though xD
Current Mood: content
May 8th, 2012
Finally got a full time job :3
aaaaaand...i make decent money...soooo i can actually save up for MY LAPTOP....and other stuff...>.>
life is pretty ok i guess. working, drawing more, saving up money, and hanging out with becca...eh the usual lol i swear people probably think we are joined at the hip or something XD and im seriously thinking about getting an amazon account. i NEED that free shipping lol. just bought an anime and book so i hope that comes in soon >3<
and i honestly don't know why...but i just thought of becca's ex friends jordan. it just kills me how this dumb bitch talked shit to becca about her old friends. just because she is jealous of her. like its just pathetic. pft wanted to say i was rude and vulgar to her in highschool and that she didn't like being around me. heh please. yes i can be vulgar but thats only when im joking or im seriously pissed as hell. and i dont EVER treat my friends like crap so dont ever say i was rude. if i was sooo "rude" why did you laugh and always joke with me? if you didn't like me why in the hell did you buy me christmas gifts and come up to ME in the hallway at school?! not to mention we always let the other borrow books or video games. and now she constantly talks shit about others and tries to put them down to make herself seem better?! OOOH and lets not forget she is constantly posting the most vulgar things on her fb or twitter. psssh. the bitch is just crazy. and its just so sad that she thinks she lives on her own. heheheh dumb little spoiled brat doesn't even understand what that means. mommy and daddy paid for your room and food at your college. SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A REAL JOB at the moment. she only has it when she comes back. this dumb girl probably hasn't ever really paid bills before either. -.-' heh and she tries to talk down to becca like she is something special and that becca's life isnt going anywhere...honey here is the thing: at least becca isn't living a LIE. she actually has friends/family that love her. heh what do you have? you're as fake as plastic and so is everyone youre around.
oh and while its still on my mind....wanna take a guess who i saw yesterday at bridgestreet? Olivia and Meagan. not a big deal. but guess who was with them....Julianne Shew. heheheh thats right. the one girl they swore they would never be friends with again. MY FUCKING ASS. they were all laughing and having a great ole time. omg...that just kills me. like it really does....i mean it doesn't surprise me that meagan is friends with her again...but olivia? are you freaking kidding me!? XD omg that just takes the cake. but i guess it shouldn't surprise me. i mean olivia was helping meagan cheat on kianna. so it wasn't just julianne or the various of other girls she went around school kissing. heh wow its so funny how the past sometimes just keeps coming back. but i guess thats another thing that gets me...the only person who i thought was my real friend out of that group betrayed me too. and im not even sure why. like what did i do to you? i was the only one who tried to warn her about meagan. yeah i tried breaking them up in a sense cuz i knew what meagan was doing...but what does that matter? we talked again and hung out for 2 days a while later. i thought everything was okay. we didnt argue and we just hung out. i saw her one more time after that. and then idk..she pretty much ignored me for the most part. heh some friend. i tried various times to talk to her. even noted her once on da and she had the nerve to say it was mutual. what a joke. so what did i do? i bashed her on lj XD and of course she "unfriended" me on here and fb. ooooo like that hurt. you never talked to me anyways so how was that any different? like really? idk..i guess if anything i just want to know why i was so easy to throw away...heh maybe its because i remind her too much of the past or she is such a coward she cant face up to it. eh probably both. ive called her out on a lot of stuff...maybe thats why she just avoided it and ran...i guess thats much easier than owning up to your mistakes or fears. don't get me wrong...i know im nowhere near perfect myself XD but idk...i just can't stop thinking about it...oh and kianna i HIGHLY doubt you will read this...but if you ever do...please go back to drawing your real art. like fanart is okay and so is messing around with digital...but seriously? you used to draw such amazing art!!! especially animals and females....>.>
Current Mood: blah
April 3rd, 2012
|04:45 pm - doing good|
i have a job interview on friday at 10:30.
my mom has one as well.
the great thing about this is they only have full time positions open at the moment and if i work there for at least 6 months i can get benifits. bluecross. i would seriously love to have that considering im the only one who pays my dental bills and everything. not to mention it would probably be decent money given the hours. i could buy my laptop in no time. then i need to take my test and try to get a grant and go to school. i really want to. i honestly just want to go for art and history and maybe marine science. thats about it lol i dont even care what i do after that as far as school goes. XD hell i plan to move anyways so its not like it really matters i suppose.
i bought the catching fire book last night. its pretty good so far. its a great series. i really want to go see the movie
after we leave the library were going to go to target. gotta get my starbucks and household items lol which means ill probably clean and draw later on tonight. :3
im planning on changing my room theme. from exotic middle east to ocean/sea theme ^^
i need something different. and im making a few different things for it.
like i bought a trash can and im decorating it with seashells. i plan on buying a mirror for my room and doing the same to it as well :D and i found a bedsheet online. ill be happy once ive finished it.
Current Mood: drained
July 14th, 2010
|09:19 pm - ugh. . .|
i swear sometimes i just want to smack him for is ignorance. if i say i only like you as a friend i'm pretty sure i mean it. no i'm not curious as to how it could be . .like i said he disgusts me in that type of way. why can't he just accept that and drop the subject? ohh wait because apparently i was wrong for telling him its pathetic to admit you like someone/ask them out through a damn TEXT MESSAGE! stupid boy. . .you think he would at least attempt to ask someone out in person for once but noooo. . . .
"OK. I get it. I just figured you would say no. So i texted you. I've done it before, most girls think its cute. I don't know why you think its pathetic. :( "
yeahhh. . .well guess what tyson. . .i admit if you had ask me in person i would still have siad no but at least i wouldn't have thought you a COWARD!
like seriously how in the hell is that cute? its a load of bull. . .if you like someone that much to ask them out you should do it to their face or they're not important to you >< so if texting someone about that is cute is it also cute to break up with them through a text as well???
Current Mood: disappointed